the pushover

This morning the vice principle at the San Diego Academy called to ask if I could sub for the same second grade class I subbed for on Friday. I told her I didn't feel well.

Tonight she called me again, explaining that their second grade teacher was very ill and out with the flu. Could I possibly sub for her tomorrow?

I am pretty extremely benevolent.

a tale of 22 2nd-graders and a 22-year-old substitute teacher without the capacity to control them

A little girl named Cielo sits on a chair in the front of a classroom, explaining to twenty-one of her peers that the little stuffed teddy bear on her lap is her fourteenth favorite toy. Though my mind is fettered with the anxiety of a long, miserable day in the clutches of an unruly, disobedient, and disrespectful room of second graders, I allow myself to appreciate, briefly, that in this moment they are cute. Though difficult, they are not evil. This day has probably been the most miserable working day of my life to date, but if nothing else, it has provided me with this: the reconfirmation that I just don’t really like being around little kids very much. And I sure as hell never want to teach them.

With my interview for an English teaching job in Moka City, Japan coming up on Friday, I lament that my first experience as a substitute teacher provided only prolonged torture, rather than any recognizable insights on classroom management or pedagogical theory. All I did, it seems, was stand in front of a classroom for five hours and yell at children to be quiet, stay in their seats, stop calling each other names, and use their markers to color on paper, not on each other’s faces. Certainly, this one disastrous day does not compel me to toss out all at once my ambitions of being a teacher. But I wish there had been something—anything—positive about it.

If I ever sub for early elementary school again, it will only be out of extreme benevolence or else financial desperation. Fortunately, the program in Moka involves teaching at the junior high level. Preteens, I can relate to. Seven-year-olds who scrupulously serialize their favorite toys and run to me every five minutes to tell on each other, not so much.

THE END

P.S.: I hope that this blog post will not leave me misunderstood in terms of my feelings towards kids. It’s not that I dislike young children or that I don’t believe they can do or say adorable things from time to time. I also think that polar bears are cute. But I don’t want to be trapped in a classroom with twenty-two of them for five hours. Yes, it's the same thing.

peanut butter pie and the pursuit of paid work

It quickly closes in on three months since I packed up my life in Azusa and moved down to my city of origin--San Diego--and the search for secure employment has begun to look, admittedly, rather bleak. Each week I send out perhaps five or so résumés to prospective employers and each week I receive this many calls in response: zero. Miraculously, I manage to ward off depression most of the time by surrounding myself with books and the eager self-reminder that, surely, international employers will not be nearly as choosey and I'll almost certainly nail an overseas teaching job before the summer wears through.

Sigh.

Then today, at last, the moment I've been waiting for finally arrived: the principal at a local private Christian school called me up to see if I could substitute for a second grade class on Friday. Well, it's a start. I happily agreed. And, although, to be honest, the idea of being stuck in a room for five hours (it's a half-day [thank God]) with twenty-two seven- and eight-year-olds completely terrifies me, I'm looking forward to the change of scenery. Not that I don't cherish the warm glow of my laptop screen against my retinas for hours upon hours, day after day; but my fish, Bludough, and I have simply run out of things to say to each other.

This afternoon, in an unceremonious act of celebration for myself, I assembled a delectably rich peanut butter cream pie. The recipe came from Vegan with a Vengeance, which is still easily my favorite cookbook ever. I swear, it tasted as good as it looks. If not better.



In conclusion, I like this band. I just bought their new album and it is good.